THIS COUNTRY


People don't like the truth - is it true that they don't want to hear the truth!




Has slapped more heads than any other country on the planet.
Has more people in prison than any other country except America.
Has more prisoners than soldiers.
Has sent troops up the Khyber while going down the Swannee.
Has been, and still is, one of the few in the world to incarcerate female debtors.
Has abolished slavery and invented the workhouse.
Has more unmarried young mothers than any country in Europe.
Has more underage drinkers than any country in Europe.
Has more bankers than sperm bank contributors.
Has more plebs than porkies.
Has more people telling porkies than plebs.
Has more people with second homes than people without one.
Has more tax fiddlers than musicians.
Has more shopping malls than churches.
Has more drinkers than thinkers.
Has to have:a freedom of information act; a whistle-blowers act and the minimum wage.
Has invented the open prison and the concentration camp.
Has much more inequality than most other European countries.
Has tried to become an offshore tax haven - but what's the other 55 million people going to do.
Has more inequality now than when it had victorian values.
Has had socialism for the rich bankers and persecution of the impoverished poor to pay for it.
Has more creative accounting than creativity.
Has more foreign ownership of its assets than any 'old' third world country ever had.
Has more spin doctors than NHS doctors.
Has killed more people in the NHS than it has on the roads
Has more fish farms than funny farms.
Has more support for people in palaces than people in wheel chairs.
Has more surveillance cameras than Hollywood and Bollywood have movie cameras.
Has too many politicians with more answers than questions.
Has too many politicians with their heads stuck firmly up the rump of capitalism.
Has too many politicians, 'Me Me Me' than,' You You You'. Has political "leaders" that are far, far, far and far again; too young.
Has a House of Lords with more slackers than pro-frackers.
Has too many lodges and dodges; too many lodgers and dodgers.
Has sold its soul to the lowest bidder.
Has too many people who've built their castle and pulled up the drawbridge.
Has more ambition than ability.
Has more people on legal drugs than illegal drugs.
Has families that spend more on botox than some families do on food.
Has more people on the greed drug than the truth drug.
Has "working class" plumbers who will rip you off just as much as any politician.
Has played placate the pleb for two generations .
Has plebs, who,- if they don't do anything about it - deserve everything they don't get.
Has re-invented the wheel and "class warfare"
Has a Westminster village that has invested in the global village rather than a Weardale village.
Has had the wrong growth industries - politics, services, news, consumerism and banking - for far, far too long now.
Has perfectly honed the dark arts of sycophancy and nepotism.
Has lurched way to the right but wont admit it.
Has too many of the "Establishment" (those who are doing alright) trying "anything" except progressive taxation.
Has more answers than questions.

REGIONAL VARIATIONS


London has more comedians than politicians-you just gotta laugh.
London has more middle class comedians than bankers-that`s how we got funny money.
London has more comedians than public schoolboys-that's how it got a funny mayor.
London has more millionaires than Glasgow has glue sniffers.
London has more private clubs than the North of England has public toilets.
London has more well-paid think tanks than well-stocked food banks.
London has more lap dancing clubs than police stations.
London has more omnishambles than omnibuses.
London has more white-washed enquiries than skye has white-washed crofts.
London has more private jets than Scotland has ambulances.
London has more lobbyists than it has luvvies.
London has more post codes than Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch has letters.
London has more graffiti than glitterati.
London has more drink-drivers then Scunthorpe has skunk skivers.
London has more drunks the the YHA has bunks.
London has more under-cover cops than under administration shops.
London has more upper and middle class people than under-class plebs.
London has more hedge fund managers than Scotland has health club managers
London has more bad oligarchs than Scotland has bad weather.
London has more dodgy geezers than the Orkneys' have fresh breezes.
London has more skivvies than the west country has divvies.
London has more rats than the UK has ex-pats.
London has more congestion than constipation.

The Watford Gap


More people live in London than Scotland.
More people live in Yorkshire than Scotland.
More people get the Trots in the trossachs than canter across the Cotswolds.
More thick skinned people live in london and Yorkshire than Scotland-yet Scotland is much colder.
More tight people live in Yorkshire than Scotland-yet Scotland has a bigger drink problem.
More poor people live North of the Watford gap than rich people live south of it.
More people live under the library in Newcastle than live in the Queens second houses.
More people commute to London than work in Leeds and Liverpool.
More people socialise in kensington wine bars than drown their sorrows in Scotlands social clubs.

Sandbanks has had more hot tubs than Aberdeen has had twin tubs.
Sevenoaks has had more plastic surgeons than Scotland has had tree surgeons.
Sandringham has more unused rooms than Sunderland has boarded up pubs.
Westminster has more fracking tories than wolverhampton has flipping factories.
Westminster has more pseudo socialists than Seaham has sozzled sand dancers.
The queen has more flunkeys than UK zoos have monkeys.
The south of England has more leafy lanes than manchester has leaking drains.
The royal family gets benefit and has more unused rooms than any London Borough Council.
The NHS has had more gagging pay-offs than the NE shipyards have had lay-offs.
The NHS compensation bill is bigger than the MPs'expenses fiasco.
A Kilmarnock accountants calculator has more compassion than a coalition cabinet member.

PS. Welcome to the UK.